Domestic Violence Diary/Part 2.

78000FFE-B580-4D68-9BD0-F390D056A979Dear Diary,

I have finally found the inner strength to let go and grow. I feel like I have been in prison doing a life sentence,for a crime of not loving myself enough. I am guilty of not living my life. All the people I have hurt along the process. What a mess.😢

Dear Diary,

After deleting all his numbers and blocking his ass of my social media, I feel like I am slowly gaining my power. I know it won’t happen over night.

Dear Diary,

Today I feel like shit, I hate that I miss him.

Dear Diary,

I was tempted to call his number, but didn’t when I looked at the scar on my face. What a disgrace.

Dear Diary,

I drove past our old home, I thought I was going to be ok, but burst into floods of tears. No one cares. I know people do, but at that moment, I feel like his such a CUNT.

Dear Diary,

I woke up crying. I can’t get him out my mind. I will unwind and visit my friend Jen, she always cheers me up especially when I am cut.

Dear Diary,

I admire Jen, she has been so strong for so long. I wish I had a Steve, he seems such a loverly man. I left Jens feeling my life can and will begin.

Dear Diary,

Today I have decided to give the yoga class a go. It will be great to see new faces in different places

Dear Diary,

Yoga class was great, I was actually able to relax and have a chat.

Dear Diary,

I would be lying if I said I don’t still think about him. How do these thoughts leave my head.

Dear Diary,

I received the court date,I have a great support worker who will be with me on the big day.

Dear Diary,

His mother called to say she’s sorry about it all. I know it’s not her fault her son a broken man who speaks by raising his hand.

Dear Diary,

Ive decides to say goodbye to all the lies he told me on my last birthday. Instead I celebrate my freedom

Dear Diary,

Ive decided to cut my hair and go back to black

Dear Diary,

The day after tomorrow is the court date. I know I be up late as i lay and anticipate about my big date.

Dear Diary,

My heart was pounding like I was sinking into an unknown world. As I walked into the court room to confront the CUNT. The lies he still told, I never knew a human could be so cold.

Dear Diary,

Justice was served, Mr Cunt got what he deserved. Sentenced to 5yrs for all the blood and tears.

Dear Diary,

Today I am feeling slightly like me again. It feels great. I went out with Jen she’s such a great friend. There was no one asking where I’ve been or what time I must come in.

Dear Diary,

Ive decided to enrol on a college course.

Dear Diary,

I saw my son through foster carer, there is a possibility of him coming back home if I can prove I am living alone.

Dear Diary,

I saw my therapist today, we discussed ways how women like me get played. She really got me thinking why I keep on sinking.

Dear Diary,

I have finally moved to a new place, it’s big enough for me and Chase.

Dear Diary,

The deco in the new place has kept me very busy. I have found a calm place where I can journal and pray for the memories to go away.

Dear Diary,

I let go of the picture me and him toon when we first met. I did it with no regret. Burn bitch burn🔥

Dear Diary,

My scar on my leg has finally healed, the bruise to my arm I can no longer feel.

Dear Diary,

I received a letter from the social that Chase can come home. Words can’t explain how happy I am. I know I can. I really can do this.

Dear Diary,

Chase has settled into our new home, he asked can he speak to daddy on the phone.

Dear Diary,

Telling a five year old that their daddy a CUNT and locked up doing 5 brings tears to my eyes.

Dear Diary,

Ive told my baby that daddy is with away with Aunt Mary. He replied , “mummy that is scary”

Dear Diary,

Its daddy this, daddy that, I wish I was a cat, I die and come back 9 times over

Dear Diary

Today Jen has invited us to church, it’s a good thing as today I feel my worse.

Dear Diary

Church was great and very uplifting, I feel  like this could be a sign of a shifting.

Dear Diary,

Am no longer thinking of the my ex like that, he crosses my mind time to time but not like always on my mind.

Dear Diary,

I have started to work a bit to help get me out of this shit. Still seeing my therapist, church once a week. At night I can finally sleep.

Dear Diary,

Today I feel strong, when I look back I can’t understand why women put their selves in pain for so long. What a sad song

Dear Diary,

I am a true survivor. I can’t believe I have actually made it through to the end of the year with no care for my ex.

Dear Diary

May 31st, would have been our anniversary, now it’s the worst day of the year for me. I will celebrate with my mates that I am free.

Dear Diary,

It’s been 12 months and I am still going strong.

Dear Diary,

I’ve started a new job, was introduced to the boss Rob.

Dear Diary,

The Domestic Violence awareness course was a God send, its showed me signs and ways to look at abusive men.

Dear Diary

Rob at work a flirt. He seems a fucking jerk.

Dear Diary,

Things have fallen into place by God grace.

Dear Diary,

I met a new man while our shopping, gonna pass it on, I ain’t stopping.

Dear Diary,

Met with J today…..there is something about him, can’t put my finger on it, but I can pray about Jay.

To be continued……

Anyone reading this in a relationship that is abusive please seek professional help. Love does not hurt, unless you are giving birth.

 

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